The Greatest Adventure

Most people like a good adventure and, until now, my definition of adventure was traveling around the world. It was only a day before my latest great journey that I found out that I was about to start a much different kind of adventure.

It was about a year before that I had met a fellow traveler named Indra. I had been living in Germany for about two years and she had just gotten back from living in Japan for about five years. We started talking and, long story short, we decided to get serious... only the decision came just as I was leaving on this 1.5 month journey! Well, we maintained contact during the trip and, after I got back, we started spending time together... despite some challenges.

At first, it was pretty much smooth sailing, but then the COVID restrictions started taking effect. This made it so that Indra no longer came to Düsseldorf on the weekends for the church meeting. It also meant waiting in line to go into stores that had limited supplies of food... and toilet paper. In any case, I now had more time to go visit Indra as my work was basically eliminated - no more in-person meetings. So, every weekend I got on my moped and rode for 1.5 hours to Bochum to spend time with her and her family eating, cycling and going on hikes together. 

My lack of work was, of course, a significant concern, though. I applied for online work, as did all teachers... but eventually just had to accept money from the government which, as was only later indicated, would have to be paid back. I guess this is why Germans don't like freelancers - our work can be taken from us at any time! To be clear, they mainly don't like to rent to us which was thankfully a problem that would soon be no more.

Indra also came to Düsseldorf for hikes on occasion and, during one of these excursions, I gave her a place-holder ring... the first of many. I had ordered several rings while waiting for the heirloom ring my mom had sent me from America, which took forever due to COVID. So, every week or so Indra and I would sort of "get engaged" again. This worked out well as Indra had never really owned rings before and now had a good collection to choose from!

After the first of these proposals, Indra and I visited the first apartment that we were able to get a Besichtigung or "visiting appointment" for. This was just around the corner from a really beautiful park/forest called Schlosspark Eller. There I gave her the ring and the very next week we signed the paperwork for the apartment.

It's worth mentioning that getting an apartment in Düsseldorf is not easy, let alone an amazing deal like ours. It's also not common that they call you up the next day to tell you that, out of all the applicants, you're their favorite... and, not only that, but they want to give you a 80 bucks off each month! Regular little surprises like this really encouraged us. Finally, on the 11th of May, we decided to make an appointment to get married at the Standesamt (like a courthouse but just for marriages) on the 27th of June!

Unfortunately, getting married in Germany during COVID is a nightmare, in particular if one of you isn't German. Our appointment to get married at the Standesamt in Bochum would have probably worked out as they were actually quite pleasant to deal with... but we weren't able to get all of our documents together before Indra moved to Düsseldorf. You see, you have to apply in the city where you reside. By the way, these documents for getting married are numerous. As an American I am required to provide a notarized copy of my passport (which they wouldn't do because of some reason related to COVID), an erweiterte Meldebescheinigung (documentation of my residence which is only valid for 14 days), a certified copy of my birth certificate with an international apostille (a special notarization which is done by the federal government and is only valid outside of the States) and a translation of said birth certificate done by a service from a list of officially recognized translators who also provide a Beglaubigung or "notarization", and an Ehefähigkeitszeugnis or "certificate of marriage"...

Well, I was actually able to get almost everything mentioned above... except the certificate of marriage. Because I don't live in Bavaria, where the laws would have permited me to do this at the Standesamt, I was supposed to go to the US Consulate to do my Eid or "oath" and sign a document stating that I didn't have a secret family back in the States. I also would then be required to do the Eid again at the Standesamt... Okay, I'm usually happy to play along with the funny bureaucracies of other countries (even that of Spain) but the problem was that the US Consulate was closed indefinitely due to COVID! Nevertheless, this is Germany, so you can't do anything, not even get married, if everything isn't done by the book - regardless of extenuating circumstances. 

Well, we tried to submit our documents anyway because the Oberlandsgericht (regional authority) said that they wouldn't even talk to us about our application until we had submitted what he had. So we had the Standesamt in Bochum transfer our documents to Düsseldorf, and I submitted the rest of what I had. But then Düsseldorf just sent everything back to us! You see, in Düsseldorf they won't accept your application unless it's complete... but the Oberlandsgericht won't discuss problems getting missing documents unless you submit what you have... a nice catch-22.

Thankfully, we had a plan B. If Deutschland wouldn't let us get married, maybe another country would! According to some local friends, Germany has been sending people to Denmark to get married for a long time. Back in the day, when the German authorities were apparently even more bureaucratic than today, they just told people to go to Denmark where you only need a passport and birth certificate to get married. Fortunately, even though they don't go out of their way to tell you this anymore, it's still the case. On the 11th of June, Indra and I applied online, paid 220 euros and were given permission to get married in Tønder, Denmark just three weeks later. Still slow by American standards, but satisfactory.

We had some COVID related hoops to jump through, though. For one, you have to have reservations for six nights in Denmark in order to be allowed to cross the border. The other thing was that Tønder had decided not to take any new appointments until October... three months later. But that's okay, because we actually found a better place to get married. Fanoe aka "Wedding Island" is just a bit further north from Tønder, has plenty of appointments and is very accommodating. The only problem was that we had to get our authorization transferred from Tønder to Fanø. This shouldn't have been a problem seeing as it's done digitally, and the decision had already been made on the 30th of June anyway, but it seems we weren't the only ones desperately trying to escape German bureaucracy. The Agency of Family Law, as they're called, was suddenly so busy that we couldn't get a hold of them. With only two weeks to go, our authorization being delayed made us a bit nervous...

ALL PHOTOS